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Showing posts from December, 2014

THE (SE)X FACTOR

I was born a hopeless romantic. I say hopeless because in today’s world romance seems to have vanished or to exist merely as a mirage so seeking it is a lesson in futility. The more appropriate term perhaps is hopeful romantic, since I wished so badly to be in love, but that was then. By then I mean from the time I was in nursery school until my parents broke up when I was twenty-four. During this time I wanted more than anything to get married. And by now (I am 41) I could easily have gotten hitched a half a dozen times. And been just as many times divorced.

Like most boys, my earliest sexual experiences predated even the presence of another. I think it was Marvin Gaye who awakened the urge within me with his chart-topping tune Sexual Healing, which stormed the airwaves in 1982. I was 9. But it was around this time that I had caught my first glimpse of such girlie magazines as Playboy, Penthouse, Oui, and Hustler, courtesy of my father. Not that dad owned these magazines, not that I k…

JOE, JAVA OR WHATEVA

Fact: There are authors who attribute many of civilization’s greatest achievements to the consumption of coffee. AKA Java. AKA Joe. If not for that daily cup or pot as the case may be, how would people have the energy to do all that they do? I mean really!

Question: If you need coffee in order to be able to accomplish something, should you be doing it in the first place?

My personal history: Like most teenagers, I fell asleep in my morning class. As the National Sleep Foundation will tell you, teens need, on average, over nine hours of nightly sleep, and tend to have irregular sleep patterns. In general, teenagers stay up late each night and sleep in late on weekends. They are night owls. I quote: “Biological sleep patterns shift toward later times for both sleeping and waking during adolescence -- meaning it is natural not to be able to fall asleep before 11:00 pm.” The effect on the biological clock is such that it is therefore also natural to be snoozing in classes that begin at 8 am…

THE GAME OF LOVE

No too long ago my girlfriend – let’s call her Tristen - and I had, after many moons and much debate, decided to terminate our relationship. I use terminate rather than end because the former seems so much more final. I was en route to the apartment we had shared for more than a year to collect my things, when I became aware of the fact that I was humming a song. It was a tune over two decades old, and I hadn’t heard it in almost as long. Soon I was murmuring a few bars of the chorus, and before long I was belting out entire stanzas. The song was Surrender to Me, a power ballad by Ann Wilson of the rock group Heart and Robin Zander, the lead singer of Cheap Trick. 

A few rather interesting things deserve mentioning here. First is that the song is written by Richard Marx, who penned a series of very sentimental love songs in the late 80’s - Hold Onto the Nights, Endless Summer Nights, Right Here Waiting – all of which I had enjoyed immensely when they were released during my early teens…

ETOH: A EULOGY

Shortly after my brother Justin passed away, I began drinking regularly. Well, that’s not exactly true. At the time of his death from cancer at the age of twenty-two, I had been living with three of my best friends from high school, and as we were in our early 20’s, beer was always in the fridge; we’d go clubbing three, sometimes four nights a week on a quest for chicks, often starting the evening with a few shots of tequila before we hopped in a cab and let the night take us where it might; and, working at a fine dining restaurant, I had developed a taste for fine wines.

Before that, I hadn’t been much of a drinker at all. In fact, I hadn’t even tasted alcohol until the age of fifteen, and living at home for college I’d only been drunk a handful of times by the time I graduated, even with a six-week stint as a Sigma Chi fraternity pledge. But after living in a post-graduate frat house for about 330 days with those buddies of mine, at least half of which involved some sort of inebrian…